Thursday, August 25, 2005

Submit A Caption III.

Submit A Caption III.

The Furry Taskmaster

This week, I'm dog sitting for a friend. It's been a fun experience, mainly because Kona (the dog), has been so well-behaved (no shitting). Part of this is because he's been trained quite well, but the other half of it is that I'm walking him like crazy. He's a Labrador Retriever, just coming up on 2 years old. They need lots of exercise, or they start acting up — eating the furniture, stealing food, stealing cars.

So... I'm tired. In light of this, I thought to myself, "How can I post an article, with less work?" And the answer struck me as clearly as it did the first two times I asked that question... Submit A Caption!

A [ blank ] Contest!

As you can see above, I've posted a completely captionless cartoon. Your job — if you so choose — is to write the funniest little comic you can! Or — if you'd rather do a job with less mental taxation — simply comment on who you think has already written a good one.

It's that simple. Previously, the winning caption-maker had their caption inserted into the cartoon, and their url was posted (if they had one). This time, I think I'll go one step further, and send the winner the original art. Sound like a plan? Very well... let the captioning begin!

Comments on this Article

There are currently 128 comments.

[ Add one of your own! ]

Bryan

"How did I know you would shoot our getaway driver?"

bearskinrug

Hehe - I bet that getaway car carries about 50 criminal clowns..

Stuart

"Thanks buddy but your wife's sleeping mask just doesn't cut it!

Jared

"It was supposed to be a simple bank robbery, and you shot my dog!"

Mikkel Malmberg

"The Robber-Clowns? Why coulnd't we just disguise ourselves as american presidents like the other robbers?"

What's with that hanging sausage anyway?

Anders

"You distract the kids' attention, while I try to rescue poor Zany. Remember, do NOT let them know they're blanks!"

Tim

"That's blown it..."

bearskinrug

Mikkel - That's a balloon! Or at least it's supposed to be... :D

Chris

"See Chuckles, now THAT was not funny."

Tim

"...that's not what I meant when I told you to blow up the safe!"

Jared

"Do you ever wonder why some people fear us?"

PIerce

"Why Clowns Shouldn't be Given Balloons"

Paulinho

Ready to take candy from kids now.

Stuart

"Hey I know it's a kids party we're going to but maybe we're being a bit paranoid"

Stuart

"I'm beginning to think cocaine and clowning don't mix"

bearskinrug

Stuart - Haha - kids like to punch clowns!

Mikkel Malmberg

Haha, now I see... Why do I think everything is a sausage? I nearly ate a small dog the other day for the same reason!

wayne

The accidental shooting of three innocent monkeys and an inability to make a heroin-filled-balloon animal that wasn't a snake spelled the end of Clancy's membership in the Clown Drug Syndicate.

wayne

Or:

"That level of marksmanship is exactly why you'll never make Cirque du Soleil."

Mel Schroyer

Not so funny now, is it?

Chris

"OK, I did'nt say anything when you threw a pie at the dead gaurd. I kept my mouth shut when you did that dance as we were blowing the safe. But damnit Chuckles...you just dont fucking shoot balloons."

Tim

"...when I said we need to look like 'goons'..."

murten

"I asked balloons filled with explosives! Not your smelly breath!"

John

"It wasn't a grenade you fool. The mime was holding his colostome bag!"

Jared

"So, um, you wanna make out?"

bearskinrug

Nice direction, Jared :D

Pierce

"This Balloon had Only Two Days Left 'Till Retirement!"

Oh god. Sorry. that doesn't even make sense.

rob

“You Idiot! We May Need This Later!”

jordan

"That's the last time I use YOU as a diversion."

Stuart

"My nose may look like a pecker but I don't want to wear a condom as a disguise, OK?"

Pierce

"So I asked her what we could use for protection and she gave me this."

Dave

"Synchronized blindfolded balloon-shooting, Frank?!? Yep, this is right up there with your 'exploding-bunny-juggling' idea..."

bishop

"Witnesses identified the perpetrators as one clown, and one masked man."

Stuart

Cliff realised Dave didn't see the funny side of putting a balloon on the exhaust of the getaway car.

Mr. David

"Quick, make a balloon baby, they'll think we've taken a hostage."

bearskinrug

Haha - that's a good one :D

Feaverish

I don't think that's what "clowning around" means...

bdagerman

"The Joker's budget is streched a liitle thin, we've only got two bullets and a water ballon to use against Batman."

"Awww, snap!"

Dr. Nevada

"Next time you want to shoot blanks in public at least stick it in here, ok? You're scarin' all the kids."

Ross

"Yeah..I agree Nick, it's a great disguise. But clowns just make me jumpy, you know... JUMPY!!"

Ross

"Alright, let's do this. I don't care who's birthday it is...little Timmy has popped his last balloon animal."

JR

"If the magicians are gonna take out our balloon, then it's bye bye for their bunny."

JR

Let me try that again:

"I know the Goldblum Bat Mitzvah is a big gig, but now The Magicians have gone to far..."

JR

And combined:

"I know the Goldblum Bat Mitzvah is a big gig, but now The Magicians have gone to far. Let's see how kids like pulling dead bunnies out of hats."

JR

that should be "too far."

Ha! I beat you all to it!

(this is not a a caption suggestion...unless it could somehow win.)

Nat

"How are we going to pull this off if you keep forgetting your whoopee cushion Frank."

Jared

"Viagra's attempt to tap into the militant clown demographic."

RJ Hampden

"So then I says, 'Look: A-, Useability: C-, Horizontal Scrolling/Fixed Width Layout: F-' Get it? F Minus?! Like it's so bad that you get an F MINUS?"

Nary

"uh...no, i DIDN'T throw that waterballoon at you."

sprout

"Its ok Stuart, I'm sure there is a doggie ballon heaven."

Anthony

I said "Bring something to blow the safe," NOT "Bring some kind of blow up snake!"

Nary

ha hah...that's funny, Anthony! he gets my vote. hey, Kevin, when's the deadline for submissions?

sprout

Well, would a ballon garaffe cheer you up?"

Mr. David

"The screaming, the yelling, the crying children.
10 years... Zabbo and Twinkles had had enough.
There would be no smiles in Happy Town today."

sprout

"So the Priest says to the three-legged dog-... Stuart, are you even listening to me?"

Jared

"Clown-Qaeda had managed to succeed in frightening the general population, but their failure to assimilate made them easy targets for the FBI and precision-guided pies."

tony

water pistols............check.
fake noses...............check.
balloon filled with nitroglycerine.....check.

You ready for this?

Ian

"Check it out: this one says 'BAD MOTHER FUCKER' on it."

scrote

I said "Fun-DA-mentalist not fun AND mentalist!"

JohnM

"Shut up, stop looking so confused and call Charlton Heston - tell him the NRA NEEDS more armed clowns with limp weiners..."

bearskinrug

Whoa! I walk away for an hour or two, and tons of captions!

To answer your questions, Nary - I think I'll decide the winner on Monday...

Paolo

"OK, let's go over this again... Clowns don't need ski masks for a heist and balloons aren't silencers. GOT IT??"

Fernando Dunn II

"This better not be latex."

Ty

"After bozzos intence traning in guerrilla tactics, he is now read to make ballon animals."

dave

"He got away but he dropped his Bratwurst"

Matt

So... I'VE got this limp balloon and some little girl has a dog made out of an ammo belt...

Fiona

Bobo's ballon gun syndicate had been discovered...It was Twinkles that blew their cover..today would be his last.

Zeik

"Rusty had the sudden, sneaking suspicion that Steve wasn't castrated like the rest of them, but merely faking his high-pitched tone..."

throw back to UCB. kudos if you caught on.

Pedro

"Alright, Artie. Men in our positions can't afford to be made to look ridiculous. You'll find we take our business very personally."

Pedro

great cartoon!

are they bank robbers, or serious clowns?

Ty

"This is my last baloon now what are we supposed to do?"

The Philanthropist

"Nice shot, stupid! That was our one and only get-away balloon!!"

relain

no caption but the clown on the left seems to have frighteningly thin arms, don't they get fed in clown-gangster school?

Mikkel Malmberg

Ha! Look at Dave's post - I'm not the only sausage-guy here!

Stefan

"Frank... if being is determined by consciousness..."

Stefan

"but... Frank... if being is determined by consciousness..."

Stuart

"So what am I going to use for my voice disguise now, Jackass?"

Dan

How many times do I have to tell you?
Don't waste the ammo on the balloons!

bearskinrug

Pedro - Well - that's up to YOU to decide :D

Relain - It's not that his arms are so thin.. it's that his PANTS are so baggy. You know... to hold other clowns.

Mikkel - Alright Mikkel - I give you "sausage credit" :D

Stuart

Meanwhile in Camp Freddy's apartment:

"So Cliff if you can remove your mask and look worried, and Dave if you can look angry.....Ooh yeah that hits the spot."

To the chagrin of his man servants, Camp Freddy's penchant for angry clowns got the better of him.

portnoy

"Clowns: The Entertainment Equivalent to the Postman."

Kim

*sigh* Couldn't you find any water guns?

Kim

I found THIS in nanna's bed.

Keith

Damn that Axel Foley. Next time we were not gonna fall for no sausage in the tailpipe.

niff

Bozo was pretty pissed that Chester used water granades during the robery.

niff

Kim: your second one made me laugh out loud. hee hee...I vote kim.

but i don't think my votem matters. unless...

JR

"Clown College Dropouts."

JR

Much to the dismay of the rest of the gang, Hilario the Clown had no idea how to NOT clown around.

JR

"Terrible Uniforms: The real reason the French avoid war."

JR

An edit:

Much to the dismay of the rest of the Giggle Gang, Hilario the Clown had no idea how to STOP clowning around.

Stuart

Dave figured if dressing up as clowns didn't help him and Cliff win the caption competition, perhaps the guns would. If that failed, they could always resort to tying up Mr Cornell with balloons.

bearskinrug

JR - Some dynamite captions!

Stuart - This caption scares me! :D

Stuart

(Inspired by JR)

Lieutenant Jefferies of the Special Air Service realised there had been a terrible mix up at the dry cleaners.

JOHNM

"What do you mean you mis-read the contract...why would you agree to do an 'Al-Queda' Birthday party anyway??

Filipino Joe

This is not my other Desert Eagle...

niff

"Your hungry?"

Filipino Joe

Honestly Steve, It's called a waterballoon not a semenballoon...

Filipino Joe

After all we've been through... this is how you repay me. A balloon filled with whiskey.

Jared

"Some guys just have no idea how to pick up chicks."

DUSTINS

"You idiot! I said 'Bag the Hostage' not 'Grab the Sausage'!!!"

Jared

"This time, the staring contest went a little too far."

Jared

"Do you think mom still loves us?"

Erik

Though the children were amused, the parents did not find baloon animals filled with actual pig intestines to be in "good taste." However, Alpo and Kirby demanded payment in full.

Jared

"Knowing that they were most likely going on a suicide mission, Giggles, naive and embarrassed, asked Zaney Lou to demonstrate exactly how babies are made."

Jared

"To Zaney Lou's disgust, Giggles was about to compromise the whole mission with a terrible case of clown diarrhea."

Ross

"We demand a million in small bills. They give me this. I hate funny cops."

Richard

Jojo
"I thought it was smart to use these as a disguise... the cops won't be looking for clowns”

Bobo
“… you really are an idiot… I sware if we didn't have the same mother... I'd... I'd... bah, forget it...”

Ross

Extreme Clowning School: Where failing balloon class is not an option.

Richard

Bobo admits his love for Jojo

Ross

Rubber Noses: $10

Submachine Guns: $1200

Slipping Whoopie Cushions into all the patrol cars: Priceless

Visa: The card chosen by angry clowns the world over.

Mattigan

After the tragic, and accidental loss of his close partner,undercover agent B. Allon, Frank realized he just really wasn't cut out for the Undercover Clown Agency anymore.

Charles G

"Listen Frank, when you made me..."
"You call me Smiles from now on, you hear that?"

Nary

"Look, Frank, change of plans. Gimme that semi. Take this instead. Don't worry, I got your back. Ok, now on three..."

ComposerNate

Survivors' Guilt

Biggest Apple

What the hell do you expect to happen when you hand the bank teller a condom and tell him to fill it !!??!!!

Pedro

Barbara Streisand's performance of "Send in the Clowns" struck a cord with a few members of the mafia.

After years of declining memberships, the NRA began targeting youths.

Terrence May

I'm Adopted?

Thicke Dundermuffin

I'll kill that damn Bozo!

Jeff Hartman

"Think Cheerio. The getaway car is already full of clowns. How fast can balloon ponies go?"

Jeff Hartman

"Yeah, that's real scary Herb, I yell 'Show 'em your guns!' and you start flexing."

Jacob Estes

"You think this is some kind of joke?"

Jacob Estes

Terrence May's was the funniest IMO, guess I shouldn't have posted twice in a row.

Paul

And all the joke shop had left? Fake penises..We were robbed.

Aaron

hey, there was actually a bank robbery in my town this afternoon..
wonderful!

Biggest Apple

For Christ's sake Barry - what have you got against dachshunds?

Aaron

I agree, Terrance Mays was pretty good

Matt

No panty-hose for my face? This balloon won't cut it Carl, my nose is just too friggin big.
I'm not angry… just dissapointed.

mike callison

We wouldnt of had to shoot those kids if you just learned how to make a decent balloon animal.

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