Saturday, July 24, 2004

Direct Malice

Direct Malice

My Mail Is Lying To Me

Today, I got a credit card statement in the mail. Opening it up, it turned out to actually be an advertisement, cleverly disguised as a credit card statement. I guess direct mailers have just flat-out eliminated any effort at honestly communicating. Which is shocking. Why would I decide to go with a credit card company that tricked me into opening their advertisement?

And sadly, the situation promises to escalate. Years from now, I'll get a letter in the mail:

"Dear Kevin, were sorry to say that your good friend Boniface has died. Services will be held at 1 pm, Saturday."

I'll show up at the wake — in my best black suit, family in tow — tears rolling down my face, "Oh Boniface! Boniface — you were so young! Why? WHY!!!"

"Because." as Boniface pops up from the casket, "FinancialCard has a low, low interest rate — just for YOU, KEVIN CORNELL!"

Well, let's hope it doesn't come to that. Because, after that much effort, it's almost rude of me not to take advantage of such a great, one-time offer.

Comments on this Article

There are currently 3 comments.

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niff

boniface????!

ahhh sweet genius kevin cornell.

JVG

As a designer for BankOne I'd like to apologize. I have sold my soul to the devil and will bring everyone down with me. But hey it shows that someone actually opens those envelopes so now i can sleep at night.

bearskinrug

Oh no! NO! I've opened Pandora's Box!

Which incidentally has a $10,000 credit limit. Anyone interested?

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