A winner has been chosen! Mr. Brian J. Merritt is the Holiday Caption Contest 2004 champion.

Mr. Merritt has no website to link to, so don't bother clicking on the picture. It won't take you anywhere.

It was a pretty tough decision - there were some real contenders. I was quite fond of Warren Brown's:

"After Santa's untimely death, results at the Santa Pig focus group were unexpectadly postive."

And also Glen Carlson's:

"Bill's wife had told him to bring home the bacon this Christmas.The kids were thrilled."

But in the end, I guess I found the concept that those children couldn't think of a better wish than a pig in a Santa suit to be the most alluring.

Seriously - I enjoyed all the captions - and after all, the point of this contest is really to entertain my sick fantasy of watching someone else do my site. Thanks to all submittees!

December 14, 2004    |     [ 10 ]

Attention Holiday enthusiasts

For St. Patricks day - if you can remember - I posted a cartoon without any captions, and accepted people's caption suggestions. The winner got bragging rights, and their name slapped on the bottom of the cartoon. If anyone who's every done a compositional knows, I'm a sucker for letting other people do my work - so I'm accepting captions for the currently posted cartoon!

Just leave your caption as a comment; make sure you leave your name, so I can give you proper credit if you're selected. Also, if you leave your website url, I'll link the image out to it.

Let the submissioning begin!

December 3, 2004    |     [ 33 ]

Hello kids! I just thought I would write up a little something to inform you about the goings-on of this site.

As some of you may have seen, and may have not, I had previously posted regarding the changes to my portfolio section. My old employer had requested I not publicly show client work I did while employed by them, as they could then be in trouble with THEIR clients. However, luckily, I have been given permission to show the self-promotional work I helped on for TMX. So, seeing as it's getting close to Christmas, and they are Holiday Cards, feel free to take a gander:

How to Build a Snowman
Ever wonder how these three-balled behemoths are made? No need to wonder anymore, because TMX has produced a quality film for the amateur snowist!

Reindeer on the Run
Santa's reindeer have bailed out on the sled team, ruining Christmas for everyone. Can you gather them all together before hope dies in every child's heart? C'mon...you don't wanna be the guy who killed, hope, right?

Some further notices:

I don't want to jinx things, but I'm picking up steam with the bearskinrug redesign. I've had a couple sidetracks, most of them stemming from either outside work, or my lack of competent CSS and xhtml knowledge; but with a little help from Santa Maria Claus and uh, Kris Kr-Inman I'm getting there.

I apologize to anyone who's been kind enough to email me in the past few months - I've been very lax in my replies, and I have recently switched computers (an OS's), so I've lost a lot of email. Please don't view this as me being a pompous jerk; it's really just me being disorganized.

So thanks for still visiting, even though I don't update near as frequently as I or you may like. I still try and get at least two cartoons up every week, so at least I'm offering up something. And who knows - maybe I'll post an entry or two before the year ends!

December 3, 2004    |     [ 5 ]

Recently, my house had a break-in. Luckily, however, the dastardly perpretrators were my wife and I. But even before I stood poised before my door, brick in hand, ready to smash the window, I had been doing some thinking about my problem-solving skills. After the smashing, I couldn't get my mind off the subject.

If it ain't broke...

See, in some way, I created this situation myself. The lock on the door just stopped working, I suppose because it's getting old. Now, at one time or another since I moved in, I had considered changing the locks on the doors. If I actually DID that, the new lock probably would never had broken; or at least I could have had the proper key to enter the side door. But I didn't do it. I figured, "if it ain't broke, don't fix it."

I'd also considered getting the garage door replaced, and getting one of those space-age "remote controls" that allow you to open the door from the outside. Again - I didn't pursue it. Why not? Because I thought "Why spend the money on it if I could get by for a little longer?"

If you think it, it might come

So, it occurs to me now that there really are some fantasy problems you need to just solve, before they become actual problems. I imagined I could get locked out, but never prepared for it. My computer makes daily (sometimes hourly) threats about shutting down forever, and flushing it's contents down the cyber-toilet. And as for the non-cyber toilet, at some point that small leak in the base's sealant might just decide to become a big leak.

No fantasy is too fantastic!

And the possibilities don't stop there. It occured to me while playing Grand Theft Auto that I should carry the parachute around with me at all times, just in case. And then I thought to myself - why not do that in real life? How often am I somewhere that it's possible for me to have a fatal fall? All the time, that's when!!! Bridges, buildings, the occasional airplane flight - even driving on highways! There's a part of Route 395 in Baltimore (heading into the inner harbor) where everytime I see it I think "God, I'd hate to drive off of there!" Now, when I finally do, I'd at least be able to TRY and not plunge to my death.

The Kevin Cornell Happy Living Kit

So, I've decided it would be a good idea to put together a kit of essentials to help me avoid fantasy problems. As you can probably guess, there's a parachute in there, but the useful items abound. Observe:

1 Pack of Immodium AD.
1 Oxygen Tank & scuba regulator.
1 Helmet (for traveling in an assortment of motor vehicles).
1 Athletic Cup (first thing people go for in a fight - the ol' testes).
1 Rawhide Chewtoy (this is in case I ever get attacked by a dog)
1 Box of Aluminum Foil (this has multiple uses - wrapping a freshly-killed deer, makeshift clothing, shaving mirror, and if a piece is held at just the right angle, i assume I could cut through things!)

Looking to the Future

So, as you can see, I'm finally getting things under control. The house is safe again, and all entrances are safely sealed. I honestly do plan to order a new computer in the next couple of days; one that turns on every single time I press the "ON" button. And I'll definitely be taking another look at a new garage door. Oh - and from now I'm gonna park my car a couple of yards down the street. Waffles, Waffles, and Waffles might only bark at the car now; but that's honestly just one small step from stealing it.

What?

November 7, 2004    |     [ 21 ]