Regarding the pre-recording of the deceased recited the lyrics of Bel Biv Devoe's "Poison":

a. A selection of ten more clowns, chosen for their vocal fluency, shall accompany the recording of the deceased as it plays in the background.

b. These ten clowns shall be known as the Ten Clowns of the Apocalypse.

c. After the ceremony, these ten clowns shall be required to menace the gathered congregation for a period of 13 weeks, looming over them in bed, eating their food, and generally just making a nuisance of themselves.