The Professional Webspace of Designer and Illustrator Kevin Cornell:
"Design, Art, and Lackluster Humor."
People Who Live In Glass Houses...
There's no question about it. This is an classic example of poor parenting. But then again, who am I to point fingers? As parent of this very site, I have fallen behind in its feeding schedule. And now, to make up for my negligence, I will have to force feed it multiple project updates at once. This is good news for those of you interested in the abridged adventures of man who — hour after hour, day after day — sits very still while his hand moves very fast.
Hmmm. That was poorly phrased. When I referenced my hand moving fast, I was referencing the act of drawing, not the act of self-satisfaction. Which isn't to say I don't find drawing equally if not more self-satisfying. It's really hard to beat.
That was also poorly phrased.
Biggest Apple
A couple months ago, good friend and fellow Wodehouse enthusiast Kirk Peterson commissioned me to do the masthead for the next incarnation of his blog, www.biggestapple.net. The idea was to draw up an apple in its natural environment. So I drew a majestic orchard, as pictured above. Later, he pointed out that what I drew didn't look like an orchard at all. And apples don't have bodies. He requested I change it. We quarreled. There was a struggle. I killed him, and hired an exact double to pose as Kirk, and no one has been the wiser! Keep it under your cap, friend!
Mental Notes
Mr. Stephen Anderson has thought of an excellent tool for helping the average man create something quite above-average. A few weeks ago he began promoting Mental Notes, a set of cards tying psychological insights to design practices. Looking to perhaps increase the amount of profane content, he asked if I could do an illustration to accompany each card. I turned the job down. We quarreled. Stephen killed me and replaced me with a more cooperative double. And if I do say so myself, a more handsome and athletic one. That old Kevin's back was a mess. And he quarreled with everyone.
If you're interested in a set of your own, you can pre-order them at getmentalnotes.com, at a fine discount. Need more incentive? I guarantee that at least one of the cards will have a picture of a firetruck. A FIRETRUCK! How can you turn that down!?
The Superest Book
The Superest book continues its inexorable march to publication. Matt and I recently received our "galley" copies, which are sort of a test book, printed and bound without the cover attached. It has nothing to do with the popular ship design of the ancient world. Unless these books were bound by Phoenician slaves to the ominous doom-doom-doom beat of a kettle drum. Obviously, much of the world of publishing remains a mystery to me. More on the book to come in the following weeks. I believe it should be out for the gift-giving season, but don't quote me on that.
Blue Collar
Now, diligent readers may have already be aware of this, but I've recently put together some illustrations for a new agency based out of Oregon, called Blue Collar. I encourage you to check out their site, hire them, and reap their creativity. Or, at the very least, enjoy their stop-motion animation intro.
Speaking of which, if you're a fan of stop-motion, like me, take my advice. Increase your blink rate to 24 times a second. The whole world will be like your own personal Peter Gabriel video!
Maisonneuve
This year, I had the good fortune to be contacted by Maisonneuve magazine, and asked to contribute a set of illustrations in the style of the Signal Flares work I did for the good folks at Coudal a couple years ago. If you've never read an issue of Maisonneuve, you're missing out on some great reading. As entertainment goes, I'd say it's "High" to "Super-high" on the notch scale. What the hell, let's just say "Top". Top-notch!
Conversational Fodder
So, hopefully that gives you some things to talk about at the next dinner party you have with my parents. They'll be all like, "So what's Kevin doing these days?" And you can say, "I don't really know. Something about self-satisfying Phoenician slaves? I don't know. I was just skimming the article for a Mojo comic." And then my Mom will be like, "Oh, a Momo comic, what are those?" And you'll just sort of smile and nod, and take another swedish meatball, and say, "Ooopsy-doops! I think my date needs me..."
Then you'll probably sneak upstairs to the bedroom to grab your coat, and laugh at my high-school picture. Dammit! I told them to take that down.
You know, back then, that was a cool haircut.
Comments on this Article
There are currently 22 comments.
2. april
I love the color palette in the cartwheel cartoon! I'm going to start wearing denim suspenders with my pig tails asap. :)
3. testMonkey
There I was, in the middle of masticating with my pizza, when my feed reader alerted me to the existence of this post!
Jolly good sir. Jolly good!
4. Phyllis
As a parent, I think it's rather good for children to have responsibilities, like taking out the trash, doing the dishwasher, stopping at red lights and yielding to on-coming traffic .... Character-building stuff.
BTW, as always, I thoroughly enjoyed the article! Never fails to give me a good laugh, which these days, is a veritable life-saver! Cherry, of course, not Lime. Thanks for the giggles!
5. Kirk
Your check bounced and I'm seriously considering getting out of the 'double' business.
6. bearskinrug
Ian - Hoozah! I promise it will be more exciting than my previous superhero-themed book: "Historical Data Analysis Man".
April - Well, if you really want to grab attention, you'll wear denim tails with pig suspenders.
Testmonkey - Pizza, eh? I would have loved to participate in some mutual mastication with you.
Phyllis - Yielding at traffic is definitely a must-have skill for children. I can't even count how many times I've almost died because of irresponsible baby drivers.
Kirk - Well, you don't want to get back into the porn industry. These days they just don't write good parts for men.
8. herrimanjoe
The superest book looks incredible, but I don't remember polly petless from the site. Are all the heroes in the book new? If they're not new have they been redrawn for the book?
9. bearskinrug
Oh - the book is actually all new heroes in an all new battle (but with various tips of the cap to the heroes of the site). Matt and I still have plans to use all the heroes from the site, but that's a little ways off.
10. JR
These are the worst parents ever - smoking around those poor kids. Tisk. Tisk I say.
11. Alison
where can i get an apple head! and kiddie tyres would be to expensive, they would go flat a lot faster! plus they'd talk back, not a well thought out idea really! and yes the gift giving season is almost upon us, you were correct there!
12. Pasquale
Haha, Kevin- I was looking through some of my site referral searches & found this. I thought you might want to know that your bare body is in demand.
13. Phyllis
Come for the nudity, stay for the doodles.
Um, wait, that was poorly phrased .....
15. bearskinrug
JR - And I hear that their mother gives them blueberry jelly in their sandwiches. So irresponsible.
Alison - I contend that a tire that talks back is a GOOD idea... it can actually tell you when you've run over a nail!
Pasquale - Haha - awesome, Pasquale! And truthfully, I get a surprising number of these too — there's a successful and charming Chippendales performer named Kevin Cornell. I imagine he's confused by search terms on his site like "Kevin Cornell afraid of cats" and "Kevin Cornell crying while eating grilled cheese".
Phyllis - Not through my virtual parent's room! NOoooo!
19. Ellyn
Any children of yours should beware!
Though, I must say, it is a mighty good idea. Save on petrol, and all that. In this economic crisis, it might be just what we need. Now I just need to remove the tyres form my car, and lure some kids in with candy...
You know, someone could blackmail you with that photo some day. Better be careful, if I were you.
21. russer butter
Man I am late in seeing this post Kev, but am I the only one to wonder how the kids are attached to the car. I kinda looks like they are impaled on spikes, which would be really irresponsible. I mean, if you are driving along you could really damage someone else's car if you swerved to close.
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1. Ian
This update did not disappoint. Can't wait for the The Superest book.