Whomp First

Unfortunately for these guys you are always within 3 inches of a spider. So another is right around the corner. Scary, but true.

True, but a spider is always thirteen feet from a Mountain Lion, so it all balances out.

Since your previous comic, I'm reading sub-texts into everything. Torture "debate" anyone? I wonder if there is a type of spider that has to be squashed by American tennis shoes made in by slave labor in order to reproduce. A sort of "poda-sexual" reproduction. That would really help the analogy.

These hideous, multi-appendaged spawns of Satan deserve no quarter! Their sole purpose is but to extinguish human life and should be handled with extreme prejudice.

Of course, this stems from the knowledge that I have a hit out on me from the whole of Spider Society. I've seen the posters. They all talk to each other, y'know… through their interconnected, global network. This all-encompassing weave of their silken communication lines keeps them quite up-to-date. Like some kind of world wide web.

Ok, so doing the math, if you are 3 inches from a spider and the spider is 13 feet from a mountain lion, then right now there must be a mountain lion 13 feet 3 inches behind me (or 12 feet 9 inches depending on the position of the spider) deciding when it is going to pounce.

That is unless my cat has somehow entered into that equation, removing the mountain lion and making me believe that while he looks so innocent lying there on the couch he will be stalking me later to make sure I fill his food bowl.

Josh - Well, the subtext here is "When Kevin Plays Fallout 3 He Just Shoots Everything". I should be virtually arrested.

Terry - Spiders aren't out to get you! That's just silly.

By the way, I got an email telling me to tell you that there's a big basket of candy for you in that dark corner of your basement. Weird.

Can this little spider-squashing guy come chill with me for a while? I mean, having him in tow would be *way* less embarrasing than the 5' 1" teeny pregnant lady from down the hall I usually have come squash my spiders for me.

Sure, humor is a wonderful method of defusing a tense situation, but there is a lot of good to the "shoot first" school of thought. That is why I like to ask rhetorical questions first, THEN shoot. It really helps to lighten the burden on what's left of my conscience.

I prefer screaming like a little girl and running away to both talking and whomping...

Wait... so at any given time I'm thirteen feet and three inches from a mountain lion? And is that one mountain lion per spider?

I'm screwed.

Wait...I thought a spider was always nineteen paces from an aardvark. My bad. The mountain lion thing makes way more sense. And while we're on the subject, isn't it spiders that we all eat in our sleep anyway? Or is it flies that we eat when our we open our big mouths too much?

One of my friends calls it a 'homicidal' reaction to spiders. He isn't afraid of them, he just HAS to kill it. And living in Australia with all our deadly/venomous/HUGE spiders he is kept quite busy. Google Australian Bird Spiders and see what I mean... eeeeek.

Ha Ha Ha. that's it for my comment.

Um, sweet heaven, I just looked up that bird spider thing and I'm SO glad my trip to Australia was cancelled this month.

On another note, are you guys saying that I should stop feeding neighborhood dogs to the mountain lion in my living room and shoot her instead? She seems to be nice, as long as I keep on tossing shitsus and daschunds at her.

Speaking of which, Kevin, when are you going to let me dogsit Ernie?

if the mountain lion has the gun, it's a whole different situation...

On the subject of spiders... I've had to keep myself alive on them for the last couple of months...
When are you gonna let me out of your attic, Kevin?

I don't think I could ever live in Australia. I already knew about some of the monsters you have down there, especially the Funnel Web, that has venom designed specifically for killing primates. Your dog gets bit it will probably live, you or your pet monkey gets bit you're pretty much dead unless you are already at the hospital. I wonder how the venom effects sock monkeys?

And on the sleeping thing, yes you will eat 7 to 8 spiders on average during your lifetime while you sleep. On the brighter side I still think the average number of mountain lions consumed while sleeping is staying constant at zero.

If the Funnel Web doesn't get you, the mountain lion will. But at least they will wish you g'day, right?

True..................... :)

You said shitsus...

And I have to say, that for me, being followed by a squadron of aardvarks if far more troubling than any mountain lion/spider tagteam... Of course, that's nothing compared to a platoon of penguins. Those overweight flightless bastards creep me out. Birds are meant to fly, Kevin... Fly! If I'd have been among the early discoverers of the Dodo I've have whomped the shitsu out 'em too.

por little spider they could have taken it outside, unless its tarantula then i imagen fear will strike all over your body even though tarantulas dont do anything i think

Why this is an absolute jovial comic! Made me laugh on both the inside and the left side. Thank you ever so much Mr. Cornell.

I can't take all the credit - the pen and my eraser helped...

*WHOMP*
Do I still have to ask questions later, or can I opt out and deliver a tragically poetic statement instead?

I could do prose ...

Interpretive dance ... ?

Love your funnies.