The Professional Webspace of Designer and Illustrator Kevin Cornell:
"Design, Art, and Lackluster Humor."
An Investment That Won't Dry Up
It take two things to be a real-estate entrepreneur: money, and big ideas. And while I don't have the money for entrepreneurship, I do have plenty of big ideas. Huge ideas. Picture this: you go to an amusement park with the family. You're enjoying rides, exotic sugar-based foods, ample parking, be-costumed trademark cartoon characters — all the family-fun you'd expect from a Six-Flags or Disneyland. And at the same time, you're enjoying the peace and harmony of the outdoors, as the entire park floats down one of nature's most beautiful waterways!
But something's missing... where's the adventure? The thrills? Don't pack up the kids and head home yet... because in mere moments you, and the entire park, will share the experience of a lifetime as you plunge over Niagara Falls!
All interested investors can reach me through my contact form. Choose the subject line "I want in on the riverbed floor..."
Humanity's Second-Oldest Profession
Now, I bet you're saying to yourself, "Well, that explains the top page... but what's this bottom one?" You might even be thinking that this is one of those "Doodle-Off" competitions I wrote about a while ago. Wrong! What you're looking at are the early plans for reviving one of man's most exciting and time-tested job opportunities!
Centuries ago, resourceful young men pooled their talents and formed powerful investment groups that traveled the countryside in search of high-risk, high-yield ventures such as raping villages and hijacking trains. Due to market fluctuations, economic downturn, and posses most of these large firms went defunct, but in this new economic atmosphere there's no better time to revive the time-honored career of Banditoing!
I am accepting applications through my contact form. Choose the subject line "Yes! I'm interested in longer horseback rides and a shorter lifespan..." and include any previous pillaging experience. Vikings need not apply.
Comments on this Article
There are currently 15 comments.
2. Bob Coe
I mean, "that" shredded you. I particularly like your repurposing of barrels. No doubt it will revive the struggling barrel making industry! They've taken a beating since rescue sheep dogs started carrying Thermos® brand brandy flasks under their chins instead of the small barrels that I fondly remember.
3. bearskinrug
Bob - Hey, when I made those campaign promises to the Cooper's Union 345, I meant em!
4. testMonkey
Excellent. You just don't see enough floating cotton candy houses anymore.
6. bearskinrug
Testmonkey - Which is odd, because such a light confectionary should float.
Till - Well, it's just that Banditos ride horses, not boats. Unless... we attack Barrel Canyon Amusement Park!
8. Glindon Marten
"Doodle-Off" competitions eh? Is that what they're calling it these days?
9. Phyllis
Now, now, Viking discrimination in the workplace is just shameful. Vikings did get off their ships quite frequently and were accomplished at horse-back riding, pillaging and croquet. Unfetter yourself from this blinding prejudice, embrace banditos, buckaneers, vikings, pirates, sneak theives and politicians of all nationalities! Equality for all!!!! [cue marching band and rousing applause]
10. Smorgasbord
Drat, I almost got a chance to have a shot at the carreer of my childhood dreams! I always wanted to be an Awesome norse superhero god/bandito/dragon hunter/ninja/pirate/racing driver/spy/warlock (in alphabetical order) under a cool alias Smorgasbord. You would be amazed how few jobs descriptions come anywhere near this! I was quite exhilarated about this opportunity until I noticed The Viking Clause. Alas, there is an undisputable inherrent vikingness to being an awesome norse superhero god! And though I might be persuaded to give up spying, I intend to be awesome norse superhero godding to my last breath! So I guess there is no place for me in the soon to become infamous posse of the not yet so notorious Kevin the Knife Knave.
11. Stevie Killen
In a previous life I partook in the even higher risk venture of raping trains and hijacking villages. I'm afraid to say I didn't get very far in this venture
12. Terry Tolleson
Crap! I am actually descended from vikings, though…
Elsewhere: how do the ride-lines work for Barrel Canyon? Do you employ those nifty "Fast Pass" things like Disney parks?
13. Mark
The amusement park seems to be missing a barrel of monkeys.
I especially like the illustration of Abe Lincoln with the banditos...wonder if Abe would trade in the stovepipe hat for a sombrero?
14. bearskinrug
I doubt it. You can't heal a nation torn asunder by civil war in just any old hat. It's gotta be really hilarious looking.
15. Murten Saerbi
"Bobby Leach, a native of Cornwall, ..."
Cornwall - > Cornell.
Coïncidence? I think not!
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1. Bob Coe
Reminds me of a story by Ray Bradbury (I think). Can't remember the name. But it involved a roller coaster ride that ended with a crash the shredded you. But at the end of the ride you were all better. Weee!