The Professional Webspace of Designer and Illustrator Kevin Cornell:
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Think on your feet
Every now and then, while standing in a bank, I'll consider robbing it.
I think it's the security camera that does it. It's sort of like a challenge. The same thing happens to me in department stores; I'll see that big, black bubble in the ceiling and think "Hmmm... where's all the other ones?" and try to casually scope out the other ones. Find the blind spots.
"If I stand right there, behind that column, I could probably make off with all those neckties. You can never have too many neckties, Kevin."
Of course, I always conclude that robbing the bank, or the department store, or the fast-food restaurant is impossible. Unless...
"It would make more sense to maybe find a good hiding spot. Get behind the column, hide under the table. Then, at night, re-emerge and clean out the place!"
But it might not be that easy. Every place is sure to have alarm systems. What about the motion-detection system? What about the lasers?
"I could slide over and under and around them. I'm not in the best shape right now... but with the adrenaline pumping I... maybe... God... I should have trained."
Other problems start to reveal themselves.
"It's hard to exercise every day. There's only so much time in the day, and I've got a ton of things to do. I never stretch."
The plan starts to deteriorate.
"Pig. Kevin the Pig. That's what you are."
My focus waivers...
"Well... I'm in better shape than that guy at least."
...waivers...
"Him too."
...gone.
"Why isn't corduroy fashionable anymore? I have all these pants I can't wear now..."
Comments on this Article
There are currently 21 comments.
2. SamBa
It sounds like the exact same feeling when crossing the border (US to Canada). Those border guards fire questions at you like you have something to hide... and suddenly (even though innocent) you feel like you're a criminal and that you should make a break for it... your adrenaline kicks in... and you're scared as a little boy who met a spider face-to-face.
It's definitely an environmental effect!
3. Design Monkey
Having worked as a bank teller, and having been robbed three times, I wish I'd been as quick thinking as Mojo.
4. William Stewart
Mojo should be careful. That robber might beat the stuffing out of him! Get it? Stuffing? Hahahahahaha! Okay, I'm going now...
6. Craig
Normally when I am at the bank, I have this quirky little song in my head sung by the Fun Lovin' Criminals - "Scooby Snacks".
Running around robbing banks... *hums the tune*
7. bearskinrug
Samu - Yes... yes... uh... I was... just... joking...
Samba - Well... you're going to feel a little guilty when you're smuggling a moose across the border.
Design Monkey - Whoa - how scary was that?
William Stewart - No! I need you back here... you're the best damn sock monkey surgeon we have!
K.T. Strasse - Well... let me clarify a little... I was speaking about blood banks.
Craig - You know... the real Scooby-Doo would never rob a bank.
8. Bananaglyph
Mojo is a monkey after my own heart.
"Not my department pal. You'll need to talk to the Robbery Manager - two counters down, around the corner. Take a ticket."
9. Russer Butter
Well Kev, having worked as a Loss Prevention Manager in a retail store I have to warn you that standing behind the column doesn't work. You see we put up the big black domes to deture shoplifters, but usually there are more cameras. Still that doesn't seem to bother most people who are stuffing an mp3 player down their pants and trying to walk out the door.
I do like however how bold Mojo is. He put up the next teller sign, but instead of going on his break he just crouches down and stays there to see what the bank robber is going to do.
10. Shane
Where is "Eye of the Tiger" When you need it? As soon as that song starts playing magical training begins to happen, before you know it you can run up large amounts of stairs in the snow, pound away at slabs of a cow hanging in a meat box, and jump rope better than you have ever been able to jump rope...
By the way corduroys are always fashionable, it's just that not everyone else knows that yet.. So just rock it! (I think that's what the kids are calling it these days?)
11. opspraak
I can imagine had Lewis been there, this robber would've played a bit of teller tennis in the bank, trying to get the open one.
Mojo: "Next Teller"
Lewis: "Previous Teller"
Mojo: "Next Teller"
Lewis: "Previous Teller"
Now there's a good way to exercise!
12. opspraak
I can imagine had Lewis been there, this robber would've played a bit of teller tennis in the bank, trying to get the open one.
Mojo: "Next Teller"
Lewis: "Previous Teller"
Mojo: "Next Teller"
Lewis: "Previous Teller"
Now there's a good way to exercise!
14. David S.
Also guilty as charged. I look around in the bank and start humming the theme to Mission: Impossible ... every time.
15. glindon marten
Since I'm young, single, have a scraggly beard, & wear corduroy,.. I'm constantly followed by the secret shoppers, so the cameras are only a secondary concern. Though someday I'd love to grab me a fist-full of ties and bolt out the door!
17. joshua
I'm trying to keep myself form laughing out loud! Great post. Thanks Kevin.
19. stefan
There's nothing wrong with corduroy Kevin - don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I myself have several corduroy shirts, trousers - even some 40 year old climbing plus fours handed down to me by my father AND some slip-on slippers. Whatsmore - they're all brown or beige which are very nice colours.
21. Terry Tolleson
I'm pretty sure the Blue Man Group could totally get away with a bank robbery. Even if the die pack exploded, they could just claim they came from one of their spectacular shows!
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