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Doomed Craft
I often think I should take up some sort of hobby beside drawing. Model building seems like it could be fun — what could be more exhilarating than assembly? Or instruction reading? Though there is one significant problem — I don't really care for decorating my home with tchotchkes, or baubles, or knick-knacks. Whatever you call the crap that takes up all the flat surfaces in a home.
For a while there, I was learning origami, the ancient art of bending and yelling at paper until it becomes dirty and wet from my filthy fingers. This was a fun distraction, but all too soon I had built up a sprawling army of doves, cranes, boxes, stars, and some sort of rabbit or dog. This then triggered a unique mental crisis. where I'd just stand there, my mind oscillating, one moment thinking this is obviously trash, and the next thinking I spent 3 hours trying to get these wings to flap — I can't throw this out!
In the end, my dove/crane/box/star/rabbit-dog army bivouacked in my office closet for over a year, before I was finally emotionally detached enough that I could break the loop and toss them away. So I imagine that moments after finishing an elaborate model ship, my life would come to a crushing standstill, my body wasting into nothingness, doomed to stand there vibrating, unable to scuttle my three-masted piece-of-junk Junk for all eternity.
Yup — better to be cautious and find a safe hobby. Like Crossword Puzzles. I've never been able to fill out more than three clues on one of them. No chance of emotional investment there.
Comments on this Article
There are currently 30 comments.
2. craig
What about paper crafts? Ever thought about a bearskin popup book? I'd buy it!
3. testMonkey
Might I suggest single action revolver shooting? There's a club near me and ol' One Eye tells me it's really safe. And if you get too emotionally invested there, well...
4. Collette
that's kind of why I stopped taking my pottery class. I took two classes and made 15 items. I have given away one. the rest were either too ugly to give away, or too nice to give away. my hobby now is juggling. less "stuff", and more fun at parties than "hey, look at the bowl I made!"
5. bearskinrug
Steve - Haha - that had me laughing for a while. And hey — it's something Mojo and I could do together.
Craig - Pop-up making is hard! I saw a pretty damn elaborate book the other day that easily convinced me I couldn't do it.
Testmonkey - Naw... I'm not allowed to have a gun. I get really pushy.
Collette - Haha - that's true! But then no one wants to invite you to parties because you keep dropping their plates and cups and bowling pins.
6. Varick Rosete
That's funny you mention origami, cuz I usually do it when I get super-pissed and wanna break something. heh. Ain't nothing like origami to calm the nerves!
7. monkeyinabox
How about making some Mojo temporary tattoos and selling them on eBay? You could ask the people who bought them to send in photos of them with the tattoo. Then your new hobby could be making posters filled with Mojo tattooed people. Hell, i might want to buy one of those on eBay as well. Maybe then the people who bought the posters could send in photos of them with a tattoo and a poster.
The cycle is full of potentially never ending fun.
8. Chumpy Sphagnum
You could build a real ship in your yard. No indoor surface clutter and when it's finished you could be a pirate for a hobby. A dependency on rum could become expensive though. And the joy of murdering would probably wane quite quickly. But if you ever lost a leg you'd be over the moon.
9. Richard Medek
Perhaps your hobby could be finding interesting things to throw away.
10. bearskinrug
Varick - Well, I have to admit, origami angers me as much as it would calm me. Maybe because I never actually used origami paper, just regular old computer paper. And tinfoil.
Monkeyinabox - Mojo would never agree to be a temporary tattoo. He'd want to be permanent.
Chumpy - I like your outlook! You're my first choice for Bosun!
Richard - Hahah - that had me laughing for quite a while... :D
11. Chumpy Sphagnum
- "You're my first choice for Bosun!"
Bosun is a job on a merchant ship you lily livered land lubba. I wanna be a Barbary cut-throat.
You're no pirate. I'm leaving. And I'm taking my cock ring with me.
13. Joshua Lane
The only thing I can think about right now is my desire to try Tinfoil Origami.
14. Ksutt
(about the drawing)
That probably is a good idea to man the cannons.
that bottle is HUGE!
15. jujueyeballs
You could try jugsaw puzzles. Why not make some of your prints a 1000-piece puzzle? Counting them alone can take you weeks! You can make pieces interchangeable and make a collage/mosaic! So many possibilities.
16. jujueyeballs
You could try jigsaw puzzles. Why not make some of your prints a 1000-piece puzzle? Counting them alone can take you weeks! You can make pieces interchangeable and make a collage/mosaic! So many possibilities.
18. Manuel Martensen
A very depressed friend of mine collects old bonfire places, how about that? Just find them and draw maps of it, that’s how he does it. But don’t ask me any questions, i have no idea what this hobby does.
19. Manuel Martensen
I forgot to add that once in a while cheating is allowed. If you can find a new spot you can start your own and collect it afterwards. No joke, honestly.
20. bearskinrug
Josh - Well, to be honest, I think it's more appropriate for you to do gold foil origami.
Ksutt - It's a killer bottle, for sure. They'd never escape from the belly of that thing...
Jujueyeballs - I could make one of those 3-d puzzles of Mojo! Then when it's done, I could have Lew destroy it. I think that would help him release a lot of tension.
Manuel - That's a bizarre hobby. Like a combination of orienteering and arson.
21. Scott
I hear you on the hobby front. I'm currently trying to break away from the 9-5--or at least work a more solid 40 (not 70) hour work week and do something creative.
I too have followed a hobby of origami. My brother Chris once created a webpage on the art of making an origami Asteroid. The delicate art of scrunching paper together in such a fashion that it resembles an asteroid that is excellent for: tossing, pitching, and launching into a waste paper basket!
My new wife and I just picked up Rock Band. With both of us being musicians, we thought we'd hate it---and that "hey, we just flushed $170 down the drain". Last night the neighbors buzzed our door and asked us to stop polluting the air with our noise.
Obviously my sassy rendition of Mississippi Queen is unappreciated by modern audiences. While the rest of them dudes was a-gettin' their kicks...
22. Shane
I make a living out of designing trash. The type you might receive in the mail not even look at or even think to open before tossing it into the trash. Well I'm banking on at least 5% of the people to open it and actually be interested in what it has to say...
23. BigA
Do you think Pirates ever built bottles inside ships? If so I'd imagine it wouldn't be nearly as satisfying. Perhaps that's what makes them so grumpy. Perhaps that's the very definition of a pirate - a sailor frustrated, disappointed and dejected with his chosen hobby.
24. KSUTT
By the way, what kind of self respecting pirate ship only has one cannon? I mean, that one cannon can't possibly do much.
25. bearskinrug
Scott - I'm a little hesitant about Rock Band. I can't afford to throw another TV through my wall.
Shane - I always look at my direct mail! Or, at least, at the direct mail that tricks me into thinking it's real mail. Then I always think "Why would I ever want a loan from a company that tricked me into opening their mail?"
Biga - Oh sure - pirates put all kinds of things in bottles... ships... rescue notes... their feelings...
26. Shane
That's funny because I think the same thing, especially those ones that come in a normal envelope using a font that looks like handwriting, and they even have a normal stamp, sometimes they even have the stamp on a little crooked to appear as though some normal person licked it and stuck it on. then i open it and I think the exact same thing when I realize that it isn't another friend getting married and it isn't my grandma mailing me my birthday card 5 months too early...
28. Captain Purple
A hobby that I've recently taken up is World Domination. You learn as you go, take as much time as you need and in the end there will be a place for everything. I''ve already been stopped by some meddling kids, what a hoot!
29. Manuel Martensen
Kevin said (in response to my comment): That's a bizarre hobby. Like a combination of orienteering and arson.
So right, i think that was what he was actually trying to combine. How sounds arsonmapping.com?
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1. Steve Killen
Best thing to do would be to find a hobby which produces the least amount of clutter and has the shallowest learning curb. May I suggest; sitting in a chair staring at the corner of a room.