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Amending the Cosmic Constitution
This weekend, I was thinking about wishes. Not necessarily about wishes I'd like to make, but more about the various rituals we perform in order to earn the right to make a wish. Birthday candles, coins in wells, blowing an eyelash, seeing a shooting star, breaking a wish bone — all recognized methods of earning a wish. But those are the only ones I could think of. Which actually was a little disappointing. I mean... there should be plenty of other instances where I am legally permitted, under cosmic law, to make a wish.
With that in mind, I'd like to propose the following instances as valid wish-making rituals:
Two Is Rarer Than One
From our existing wish-making folklore, I gather that a wish should be made when something unique happens. One time I got two yolks in one egg, which I thought was quite special. But with today's modern concerns about cholesterol, it seems a double-yolk isn't as beneficial as one would hope. So I believe a wish is an appropriate trade-off for the extra two or three nanometers of arterial blockage.
Name, Then That Tune
Have you ever been driving in the car, and you have a song in your head, and you turn on the radio and that very song is on? That kind of coincidence definitely should earn you a wish. Maybe even some kind of medal or trophy. Though I'm not sure who would be responsible for giving them out. Maybe the FCC. Or that guy who gives out the medals at the Olympics. Zeus, I guess.
Beyond the Fig Leaf
I figure, if you get a wish for putting a coin in a fountain, you're equally entitled to a wish for dressing up public statues in actual clothing. This will hopefully lead to a higher frequency of both fulfilled wishes and public nudity. Which is what I wish for most of the time anyway.
So there you go. Three perfectly valid rituals to propose to the Casino of Infinity that doles out wishes. I am, of course, opening the floor to any other ideas. All will be considered. Except the ones that involve wishing for more wishes. That just pisses the cosmos off, and causes earthquakes and plague. Or plaque. I forget which is which, but I know they're both bad.
Comments on this Article
There are currently 41 comments.
2. The Colonel
Might I also suggest getting a wish for spotting an albino?
I've only seen like one in my life, so I thought that was pretty special... like seeing some sort of magical elf or pixie.
3. ANDERS
I think one wish for every brilliant BSR post would be a lucrative deal...
4. martha
i love when that song thing happens. but i don't know if i'd feel comfortable wishing when it happens 'cause usually hearing the song on the radio fulfilled my wish to hear said song. but i'd love zeus to hand me a medal.
he's hot... from what i hear.
5. bearskinrug
Bob - Close, but no! The only comment that grants wishes is "I can't believe I ate that entire can of soup!!!!"
Colonel - Haha - actually... that IS a pretty good idea. Looks like I can cash in on... at least two wishes in my lifetime.
Anders - You've warmed the cockles of my heart, Anders. That sounds gross, but it's not.
Martha - Yes, he's quite the looker. Make sure you're not genetically related to him before you make out, though. He sired like... 50 kids.
6. Christian
See, I didn't get it at first, because I assumed that there was just a very, very thin elephant standing behind the chap on the right, and said thin elephant, whose trunk is not equally proportioned, had just decided to stretch said trunk. But then I saw that the birthday cake in the fourth pane had four candles, and suddenly it all made sense.
8. swift
So I really feel stupid. I don't get it. I mean I'm all for more wishing opportunities but why does that guy have an arm coming out of his head and a leg out of his back? Maybe I'll go wish for a brain *sigh*
By the way here are some opportunities (according to wikipedia):
* Blowing dandelion achenes
* Locking pinky fingers with someone who just said the same thing as you at the same time (as an alternative to a "jinx")
* Seeing the time 11:11 on a clock.
* When a lady bug lands on you.
* When you catch a feather
* When you see 8 magpies
9. Greg K Nicholson
Swift, do I have to see all eight magpies at once? And if so, is it frowned upon to achieve this by the use of mirrors?
10. Jeremy Curry
I think when a bird poops on your head, you should be able to make a wish as a trade off.
Also I think maybe when it's 7:11 and your standing in 7eleven you should be granted a wish.
11. TheJones
When you look at the time and see 11:11 you are given wishing power.
14. Steve C.
That 11:11 thing could be so easily exploited. I could set my alarm for 11:11 am AND pm each day, and merely look at the clock to get two wishes every day.
Even more, I could stop the clock from ticking when it reads 11:11 and have infinite wishes forever! How did the cosmos let that one go through?
(btw, first time commenter here, love the site)
15. Filip
I wish I would get a wish every time the last one doesn't come true.
But I'm not bitter, seriously, I'm not. No.
17. sugarbat
The second cake should have five candles. But I love that the armhead man has an arm on his head in the very first frame.
18. bandelin
i dont like filthy humans blowing on cake before thet eat it. i mean god dammit, lets act civilized.
19. Jon Culver
I wondered... what if an act of kindness yielded one free wish? Imagine the anarchy that would ensue! Grown men tackling old women to the ground in an effort to be their escort across a busy street! At the bar, everyone would insist that someone else was, indeed, next in line. Why, drinks would never be served! The bars might have to close its doors. What a horrible fate...
20. Mr. Fishie
And I thought mutations weren't beneficial... What am I to think now? Did we all really evolve because of a birthday party for a particle of pond scum?
21. Robert
I once recieved an e-mail granting me some wishes, if only I would forward it on to 100 of my friends. It turns out these are actually anti-wishes, and the 'friendship and prosperity' I asked for somehow turned out to be social exclusion.
On reflection, this sort of practice only leads to wish inflation. I think that is why you're generally not allowed to wish for wishes, or indeed why 'rollover' wishes don't work.
22. Rasmus
Don´t know about that dressing a statue one but the undressing of a public statue should definitely grant you one `cause that’s quite a hustle
23. sutter
don't you get a wish when a bird shits on you? or it rains on your wedding day? or a piano falls on your head?
24. Rasmus
Hassle was the word… It can probably do a favor for the climate of public nudity too.
26. Captain Purple
"...and if wishes and buts where candy and nuts we'd all have a beautiful Christmas."
28. Swift
Steve C., I think plotting to exploit the cosmos won't get you anywhere good... *shrugs* just saying.
30. bearskinrug
Swift - Oh, excellent list! Yeah - I forgot about dandelions...
Jeremy - Haha - I like the 7:11 idea...
TheJones - How about if it's a military clock, and it says 22:22?
Charles G - PING! One wish successfully allocated.
David - My guess is, some kind of harem.
Steve C. - Clocks are really the weak spot in the cosmos's grand plan. The fourth dimension was a last-minute thought.
Filip - Maybe they ARE going to come true, it just hasn't happened yet. I imagine that the queue for granting wishes is quite long.
Sugarbat - I don't know, Sugarbat... I didn't intend for the candles to have any significance in this one :D
Bandy - Not all humans are filthy. What about obsessive-compulsives?
Jon - Just to be safe, I will avoid all acts of kindness from now on.
Mr. Fishie - There's a good chance of it, yes.
Robert - Well... maybe you should try again? I'll send you another one of those emails...
Sutter - When a bird shits on you, you just get shit. And with the Piano, you get a free Piano.
Rasmus - Aha - I thought that sounded difficult... hustling a statues clothing... maybe that should give you wish?
Paul - Yeah... he IS smug! If anything... this comic illustrates how much of a jerk Jim is...
Captain Purple - Well... if it makes you feel better, I wish I made today's comic more clear! It seems to be more confusing than I prefer...
31. Carson
I got the comic instantly and laughed till an arm grew out of my head. Not sure what to do now, actually.
32. MORK
I am wondering why Jim has not had an apendage wished upon him...
If I was the other guy, maybe I would wish for Jim to get an std. "Extra arm eh... well CLAP THIS!"
33. bearskinrug
34. Shane
Some people believe taht you should get a wish whenever you lose an eye lash.
The ritual goes as follows you get a fallen eye lash then make a wish as you blow it off you finger...
So my wife recently did this with my 2 year old daughter, and now she is always trying to pull her eye lashes off so she can blow them off into the infinite abiss. (free wish to anyone that can name the movie talking about an infinite abiss?)
35. Randy Johnson
I once caught a butterfly by just calling it and holding out my hand.
It landed on my hand and I escorted it out of the building.
Is that worth a wish?
36. Deuce
This week has been a wishful one for me.
I normally don't think about the eyelashes when I see one fall on my hand after rubbing my eyes. But this week in particular my wife is at her breaking point of caring a baby. So I blew the eyelash to the next county in hopes that the baby will come this weekend.
Or now would be good.
37. bearskinrug
39. Garland
Not trying to top you Colonel..ok...yes I am. I went to school with an African-American with Albinism. Twenty years later I work with him.
40. Tom
Along the same vein as what Jeremy said, I think when it's 7:11 at 711, you should get one free item.... and a wish.
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1. Bob Coe
Do I get a wish for the first response?