The Professional Webspace of Designer and Illustrator Kevin Cornell:
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A Nutritional Breakdown
I'm not advocating we all let our milk expire. The above is a theoretical example of one possible outcome when you let your milk advance past its expiration date, and my guess is that it's one of the rarest outcomes. I'd say odds are almost 1 out of 25. Meh. 26.
No, for the most part, fresh milk that goes past its expiration date just becomes expired milk, which has nearly no uses. Let me illustrate this point by giving you a nutritional breakdown of fresh cow's milk:
Cow's milk contains, on average, 3.4% protein, 3.6% fat, and 4.6% lactose, and supplies 66 kcal of energy per 100 grams.
Once milk moves past its expiration date, we find some surprising data:
Expired cow's milk contains, on average, 3.3% protein, 3.0% fat, 4.6% lactose, and 15% "parts", and supplies 78 kcal of energy per 100 grams.
Beside decreases in almost every nutritional value — AND an increase in calories — you'll notice that there was a disturbing increase in the amount of GIJOE parts found floating in expired milk, specifically 1 leg from The Baroness, 1 arm from Spirit, and the torso of either Tomax or Xamot. I suspect some unethical laboratory tampering here, and questioned my nephew Timmy-boy, who supplied the expired milk sample. Timmy-boy had this to say:
"You're poopy!"
He then ran from the room and hid in his mother's shoe closet for 2 hours. He emerged in her favorite pumps.
Addendum
In a few non-related studies I happened to be conducting on Gelatin's Insulative Properties, and compositional make-up of a Chicken Salad Platter, I again found an increase in GIJOE parts. Conversely, there seems to be a decrease in the amount of GIJOE parts in my vintage GIJOE Action-Figure collection. All these statistics lead me to believe we might also see a significant decrease in the amount of American currency found in Timmy-boy's birthday cards.
Comments on this Article
There are currently 30 comments.
2. bearskinrug
COBRA could never rule the earth. You can't win wars with red lasers. You need blue.
3. Terry Tolleson
This is the most wicked, freaky comic I have read from you BSR. Not because of the monumental coincidence that is my millk turning into a leprechaun last night, but that I was actually thinking (around panel 5), "Man, what good is he… go back to being milk." And then, as if my own were mystically answered as the comic unfolded before my eyes, that's exactly what that little, green ankle-biter did!
4. bearskinrug
Wow - you questioned his usefulness by panel 5? Sheesh, you must have some kind of beef with the Leprechaun community. Are you a weak riddle-solver?
5. greggie
Ahhh ... sweet, not sour, irony. LOVE the large nosed leprachaun, Kevin ... LOVE it! And throw in some chocolate syrup and I'd be chuggin' that Moo Juice right along with him!
6. Terry Tolleson
Quite the contrary, I find them to be poor riddle-givers. They're good at manipulating the 4th wish out of ya, however.
Now Gollum - that lad could toss out a good riddle…
7. joesplanet
So that's what all the commotion was in the fridge the other night. Poor little guy couldn't any air.
8. MattLat
I noticed taht my milk was expired last night... Yet I still drank it this morning on my cereal :O
It's a good thing that it didn't turn into a leprachaun though, since it would have been in my fridge all night.
9. monkeyinabox
I'm glad I read this post, because I gained some knowledge and as we all know, 'knowing is half the battle!'
10. bearskinrug
Greggie - I could never drink anything that used to have a nose. Eyes, maybe.
Joesplanet - Yeah - just to be safe, I prop the refrigerator door open every night.
Mattlat - Kim pointed out to me this morning that our milk says it's only good 1 week after opening, despite what the expiration date says. So I'd say I drink "expired" milk about 50% of the time.
Monkeyinabox - Hehe - SOOO true... Hey! Lets go play on that probably-frozen lake!
11. the Brightside
One of my roommates in college had a bad habit of drinking my milk. Even after I'd helpfully labeled it "MY MILK YOU ASS."
But at one point the milk got pushed to the back of the fridge, and it was forgotten. So I came back to my apartment and the Nefarious Roommate is drinking it. He tells me it's awful, I need to go buy more.
This was in the middle of May.
I hadn't put milk in the apartment fridge since September.
12. MattLat
ack! Only stays good a week after opening? Then I drink expired milk most of the time!
Damn my college lifestyle!
13. mr chips
What would leprechaun milk actually taste like? By 'leprechaun milk' I mean milk that was once a leprechaun rather than the milk of a leprechaun.
14. Captain Purple
Interesting. I 've had a plastic gallon of milk in the back of the fridge since Christmas. The last time I checked it was filling up with chunks of "stuff." I wonder if maybe the milk had tried to turn into a leprechaun but ran into problems because if the plastic? (The transformation seems to be a simple process with a ordinary paper carton).
15. Somejeff
Apparently, to travel to the future, you double tap a newspaper.
To travel back in time, you wait for your milk.
Noted.
16. bandelin
The GI JOE gag was...kinda weak kevin. I mean...(sigh..), I think you could do better. And I'm only saying this because I care. :)
17. wayne
what the hell kind of witch turns a leprechaun into a carton of milk? this isn't some reference to "the book that shall not be named by wayne," is it? stupid magic, i hate this magic...
18. Russer Butters
I'm not surprised at all about finding G.I.JOE parts in stuff, as with time the rubber band gives our and the entire thing falls apart. As was my surprise and pain after setting some Joes up in poses on the top of the bookshelf and then continuing on with life and coming back years later and stepping on Storm Shadow's sword now lying on the floor, while his legs still stood atop the bookcase, fighting the legs of Snake Eyes.
19. testMonkey
I think that some of you are milking this whole GI Joe thing a tad bit too much.
Ha! "Milking"... Get it?
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.
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I just want someone to like me...
20. Jared
I would have wished for a bigger container of milk. Oh, and some Ovalitne.
21. testMonkey
did someone say Ovalitne? That rich and creamy chocolatety drink that is yummy and nutritious, too?
Oh, oh, I want some! I do!
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.
.
.
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...I'm so lonely...
22. Grant
I often let my milk expire. Perhaps not intentionally. alas, There is no surprise event when it does go off.
Unless of course, you're into large lumps of curdled milk. Which I'm not.
My girlfriend once took milk out of my fridge & sat it on my bench, we left the apartment & she forgot to put it back in the fride. Overnight (not just any night, but a hot Australian summer night) the milk sat out on the bench.
It was a 1lt bottle with a screw cap. When I returned it was 2500ml bottle and a screw cap.
My ceiling was also redecorated with curdled milk splats. A different approach to texturing walls, one must admit.
¶
I've been reading for quite sometime, from afar. I've forced everyone in my office to add you to their various RSS feeds.
Regards,
Grant
24. matches
Maybe in the 80's you could win the world with blue lasers, but apparently not these days.
25. The Philanthropist
Do you remember the episode when the Joes traveled back in time and a band of cavemen helped them fight COBRA? All the cavemen started chanting 'yuh juh...yuh juh...' It wasn't until they gave the cavemen a TV at the end that I realized the show had just jumped the shark right before my eyes. Tsk tsk...
26. bearskinrug
Captain Purple - Well, you're half right. Like many other metabolic processes, leprechaun transformation slows down in cooler environments, like the refrigerator. If I were you, I'd take it out of the fridge and keep it someplace warmer, like your bed, or the inside of your car.
SomeJeff - EXACTLY. It's nice to know someone's registering my subtle scientific publishings.
Bandelin - *kevin hangs head in shame... rips his "unicorn with penis for horn" drawing in half*
Testmonkey - Well Ovaltine's not going to solve your loneliness! You need to get out of the lab more often with the other monkeys.
Grant - I'm happy to say I've never experienced THAT much curdling. I did put expired milk in my cereal once - it tasted rather... chemically, actually.
So you forced your co-workers? SHEESH! More mouths for me to feed! ;)
Philanthropist - Wow - There was an episode like THAT? And the best allies they could find were cavemen? I'd totally go with the Huns. Or maybe a nice Roman Legion.
28. Ang
what
the
HELL???????
I think you guys are taking something other than spoiled milk...
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1. raymond
COBRA will soon rule the earth if you don't stop redirecting searches for Great American Heroes.
As long as I'm here... why didn't the leprechaun grant himself a wish? I haven't consulted the leprechaun handbook, but...