The Professional Webspace of Designer and Illustrator Kevin Cornell:
"Design, Art, and Lackluster Humor."
A Two-Act Guide to Survival
Just to put everyone's mind at ease, drinking all the water in the world is physically impossible. I don't want this comic to scare anyone out of routine hydration — it's an extremely important aspect of survival. At best, the human body can only survive two days without H2O. Here's a simple play I wrote to help you remember:
ACT I.
Scene fades in on an opulent conservatory
Colonel Abenard: "I say, Madam Chambers, I'm feeling a bit parched!"
Lady Chifferella Chambers: "Heavens, Colonel! Do take care of yourself — I shan't know what to do if you were to dehydrate!"
Colonel Abenard: (chuckling to himself) "Nonsense, my dear. I was fine yesterday, and the day before that..."
Lady Chifferella Chambers: (offering a tumbler to the Colonel) "Still, I would be quite relieved were you to steal a sip of my tonic."
Colonel Abenard: "Good Lady! A sip of your glass, however brief, would ruffle my mustache beyond repair!"
Scene fades out
ACT II
Scene fades in on cemetary
Lady Chifferella Chambers: "How dreadful... to expire from thirst!"
Doctor Sutherland Southeby: (patting Lady Chambers on the arm) "Now, now, Chifferella — he brought it on himself."
Lady Chifferella Chambers: (wailing) "Why did I not do more to prevent this morbid dessication!?"
Colonel Abenard: (mustache severely ruffled) "Mercy! I'm quite glad I partook of your tonic after all, Lady Chambers!" (peering into casket) "Who is this wasted chap?"
Scene fades out.
Now that's one for the Inkfinger Community Players...
Comments on this Article
There are currently 28 comments.
2. bearskinrug
I don't think I could love ANY drink enough to guzzle it from a tub...
Well... maybe coffee.
3. sutter
"is it St. Swimmins Day already?"
I quite enjoy the play. I was on the edge of my seat.
5. Ara Pehlivanian
I don't believe you. I once drank all the water in the world. Man did I have to pee afterwards...
6. Owen
I have this incredibly sad image of Bearskinrug scalding himself with boiling coffee from an antique bathtub. Oh the humanity!
7. bearskinrug
That was you, Ara? Thanks to you I couldn't make Kool-Aid for a week...
8. Pierce
If Ara drank all the water in the world, then had to pee real bad, then what did I shower in this morning? I don't think I'm going to like the answer to this question.
9. Ian
I wonder if you worked out really hard, got all sweaty and then got into a bathtub full of Sprite if it would fizzle over the top.
Is this guy going to dry off with a Fruit Roll Up?
10. Hugh G.
Kevin, your mastery of British wit is absolutely capital! Good show old boy!
Also your comic just slayed me. Not sure I approve of people drinking Sprite contaminated by naughty bits, but funny none-the-less.
11. TheJones
That last panel can easily stand alone. Just great!
If the funding comes through and you should take that play on the road, count me in for the Florida production.
17. bearskinrug
Hugh G. - Why, thank you, good sir... it's from years of illegitimately owning a .co.uk...
The Jones/Jared - Yeah - that does stand well on it's own pretty good... it's supported by the "Ewww/Haha" factor...
19. Richard
wait a tick? you mean? these posts are supposed to make sence?.... never though of it that way.
lol is someone just a tad thirsty? kevin?
21. stinn
Bathing in Mountain Dew would stop people from drinking out of your bathtub, cuz it looks like pee.
22. bearskinrug
Justin - You know what... me neither.
Richard - I believe lack of liquid improves my writing...
Apple - Haha :)
Stinn - But it looks like pee even when it's not in the bathtub, and people still drink it!
23. Charles G.
I'm curious as to what a severely ruffled mustache might look like.
24. bearskinrug
Every time I re-read this play, I'm more and more convinced I'll need to draw it.
26. paul
of course! a sprite bath! why didn't i think of this before? it's so simple...
also, i too think you should draw out the play, as i'm sure it involves fancy hats and even fancier eyebrows.
28. jack
ha ha ha ha! that was one of the best comics i saw in the last months. and the play...hmm wel the importance of beeing earnest or this...hmm clearly this! ho ho
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1. Anders
I just LOVE Sprite! :D I wish I had a tub full of it too...